Have Mercy on Me, A Sinner

 The news of the day, the anxiety of my own heart and the call of my Soul, have conspired together to compel me to make a movement of turning around.

As a daily practice I have begun to say certain prayers on a strand of beads to anchor myself in calm certainty and abiding faith. As I pray I am brought more deeply into the present moment, where the prayers of my heart form inaudible, unspeakable words of silent surrender.

My prayer beads form a ladder that I climb to reach the lap of solace and release the clutter of words that occlude my Sky. The clouds in my mind lose their hold as I loosen my grip.

 I have chosen ancient prayers to lead me into the sea of stillness. I confess, however, that these prayers have been my first lessons in mindfulness, alignment, certainty and right relationship.

I have not wished to utter the words of others that I cannot honestly speak from my heart. And, yet, I have felt deep affection for the ancient alchemy of words that have fallen from lips that have fallen to knees throughout the ages.

The prayers of The Rosary and The Jesus Prayer have embedded within them the word “sinner”.

I had to sit with this until I understood and formed a truthful agreement.

I am of the belief of our inherent goodness and original blessings as the children of creation. I have sorrow over the throwing of words and false narratives of sinfulness at ourselves and others in order to tout religious self righteousness and egoism. And I do not wish to approach a relationship with The Most High God, by rejecting myself as being anything less than a Divine Creation.

It did not take long for me though, to recognize that I, in fact, have no problem calling myself out for the countless times a day when I miss the mark.  All I have to do is turn the TV on. There is a certain political party that I give myself daily angst about. In my mind I condemn them. In my mind I throw stones and I do not seek to understand. Clutching firmly to my own preconceived, half informed biases and judgments.

I am also a master of self incriminating, self destructive indulgence. I am simply guilty according to my own internal courtroom of verdict and decree.

My prayer beads climb me out of the abyss of judgment and internal jury. My prayer beads anchor me to original blessings and the fresh air of the here and now. I can release the daily dramas and spectacles internally and externally. Knowing I can take action and stand up as needed, my primal instincts have told me to begin on my knees, with a humble, “Please.”

Have Mercy on Me. A sinner.

My Beloved, Jesus Christ, Buddha of my Heart, Thank You for praying for me, Your Sister.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, Bodhisattva of Compassion, Pray for this sinner now, and in all moments when I can turn instead, towards the light of our shared being.

Om Namah Christaya.

Om Namah Maria.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Realm of Shadow and Light

 I recently saw a post on social media that caught my eye and captured my attention.  At first I wondered why someone would post such a grim and disturbing photo amidst these troubled times that beg for hope and healing. In the photo there is a doorway that largely reflects the shadow of a gnarled and twisted and lifeless tree. The shadow looms and seems to hiss and contort itself into the face of a monster who has come to devour its prey. I questioned why this photo would be shared with such a trembling and tender world. I could not, however, look away. I studied it closely. I wondered and sought answers. And I decided to read the comments of others who had viewed the post. Through the commentary I heard the chorus.  Through the commentary I was given a metaphor for life.  In one clear voice, those who had commented, sung out this essential refrain: Look Toward The Light. I revisited the photo and shifted my focus. There before my eyes, staring out from beside the dark shadows, was a
Read more

Daughter, Move Back

 There was no fanfare. No Angel Wings. No flowing robes or crown of stars. There were no trumpet sounds or epic light displays. But the feel about Her was a Deep Blue Sea, a Star Kissed Sky and the Vast Expanse of Mystery, wrapped both in Presence and Eternity. She looked like one of us. Just like the girl next door or your own best friend or the oldest, most familiar Sacred Space you’ve ever known.  She spoke to me through impressions that I understood instinctively. She was a force to be reckoned with and held a deep command. Though not aggressively or oppressively, but as one in tune with Truth and utter Certainty. She told me to move back. And so, with Awe, I released the dying body of my mother. I released her labored breath, her twisted hands, her racing heart. I moved my chair back to the end of the bed and turned it around to face Her as She drew closer to us both. My mother’s face was turned in the direction of the window.  Our Lady swept Her hand in Graceful, slow motion inte
Read more

What the Wind Said

 I have recently had to remember how to unplug and how to tune in. There have been several diagnoses. Some for myself. Some for those I love. A diagnosis can be a slippery slope. Of action and pause. Of reflection and cause. Of claiming, reframing and finding out what we are made of. The daily news confounds my nervous system. Although I feel I must not look away, and I must do my part, a steady diet of what is wrong does not feed me strong enough seeds of what I can do to make “right”. I’ve turned to distractions that I told myself were for my enlightenment. In particular, a series of spiritual stories on film that captured my attention and made me want to be a better person. I visited the social media pages of others who had gathered there. To my surprise they were filled with judgments, criticisms and condemnations. A virtual platform of “my sense of rightness” throwing stones at      “your sense of rightness.”  It was painful and felt like a mirror of what I have to work on within
Read more