Knight Light

 I sigh before I write this. Once again .

It is meant as a Knight Light from my inner land, to soothe you and hold you wherever you stand.

I truly come in Peace. To seek and find and share release. I do not mean to preach. Nor to do harm to hearts that dance to a much different beat. That is in fact, the point of every line and creed and seed within this vast reflection. And confession. And. I humbly do believe . It is and ever after shall be, the deep  point of our One journey as we travel this majestic, blue-white , spinning Star.

There are storm clouds and fires and droughts all across God’s green Earth. This Paradise has been our Birth. Laid bare and pure before our busy feet throughout these years. There are now tears that flow from Sea and Sky . Asking us Why. Why do we never See. Our privilege and our great responsibility. 

And there are wars. On our TV’s. And In our countries and our city streets. In Churches and in Classrooms and the Corner Stores. These are our wars. We rage like storms. We are the storms. We rain down clouds of scar tissue we’ve never healed. Or tried to find. To reconcile. Or to reveal. It’s easier to shoot than face the hurricanes we carry in our hearts. We blame the ever growing targets of  illusionary darkness that we feel are threatening to us from the great “out there.” Instead of inward facing all that we’ve been called to bear. With open and consoling and allowing arms of care. Instead, we take up arms and pull on all our triggers. Firing at storm clouds deep inside. Searching for nameless, blameless targets we can shame that live illusively “elsewhere. “

Anger is far easier than grief. Anger can project and be cast out like hand grenades. In false protection and projection of the things we are the most afraid of and simply can’t bear. But grief swallows us whole. And there is no where else to go. It burns our houses down with Holy Fire. If only we would let it in. And sit with it. And then begin. Again. It’s only at the place we stand where healing takes us by the hand and softly tells us that our knees are now the safest place to land.

I’ve had to surrender a Prayer I once held in my trembling hand.  I had prayed to be Knighted as Servant to Mary of Nazareth. Mary of Euclid, Ohio. She who is Mother of Him, and sister to Kuan Yin, and Daughter of all Winds, and Guardian of Winged things. 

I have had to surrender because of the fact that I may then be asked to bear witness to things that I cannot bear witness to.  The Service I intended to make my allegiance to , from my Heart, was to She who hears the cries of the world. And not to the Church. Who still has not learned how to do the very same. It is possible, I now realize, that I may be asked by the Church to take part in ideologies that are against my religion. Ideologies that are part of our scars and our unprocessed grief and our triggers. 

And so. I’ve surrendered my need . And I bless the young Church for allowing me time to withdraw to the Hollow of Holy within me. Invoking the Council of She who bears witness to me. Surrendering my need to be Knighted. So that I may be Lighthouse and Knight Light. Without any triggers or blame. In Her name.  Laying all of my swords at Her feet.  So that there are no storms left within me.


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